Relationships are partnerships, but in many cases, only one partner is willing to put in the work needed to keep their relationship strong and healthy. Marriages do break down over time, but this is not always a reason to get divorced. Sure, we are all going to hit rocky patches once in a while. But, this doesn’t mean that the relationship is over. It just means that at least one of us has to work harder to make it work. If this sound like your marriage, read on to learn how to save your relationship, even if you are the only one who is really willing to work on it.
Stop being Critical
Over time, we often find ourselves becoming more and more critical of our spouses, and the mistakes that we perceive them to be making. Rather than ignoring the little things, we bring them up, over and over again, and tell our partners about all of their bad habits, and other things that annoy us. Maybe it is time to start keeping a few of these things to yourself. Better yet, look for ways to turn the negative things into positive ones, or at least look for positive ways to express your feelings. For instance, instead of telling your partner that it drives you crazy when they do a certain thing, show them alternative ways to do these things, and give them encouragement to try something new.
Mind Your Manners
Believe it or not, good manners can go a long way towards creating a healthy and stable relationship. But, we don’t always act on our best behavior, and sometimes good manners just fly right out the window. Maybe you can try this experiment. Behave as if you have a houseguest staying with you when you are having an argument or a discussion with your partner. You would have much better manners when there is someone else in your home, and this is actually how you should be behaving all of the time. The next time you have something rude or nasty to say, think about how a houseguest would feel if they had to listen to you and your partner arguing.
Know that it is Not Always Going to be Moonlight and Roses
There are going to be ups and downs in any relationship, and things are not always going to be peaches and cream. There will be times when things get difficult, and you will need to find ways to deal with any issues that come up and move past them. If you expect a perfect marriage, you are going to be in for a serious letdown. Sometimes, things can get off track for many months, or even many years, but this doesn’t mean that you can’t save a broken relationship. It just means that you have to work even harder to fix what seems to be broken beyond all repair. Even if your partner is not taking steps to fix things, it doesn’t mean that you can’t work on the relationship yourself.
Start Focusing on Making Changes
Until one of you starts trying to change things, nothing is ever going to change, and you will likely find yourself headed to divorce court. This doesn’t have to happen, but you have to start focusing on making changes that will improve the relationship. For instance, don’t ignore problems and hope they work themselves out. Meet them head on, and find ways to fix those problems. Stop focusing on things your partner does that bug you. Instead, focus on the things they do that you actually do like, and encourage them to change the things you don’t like without being pushy. Basically, find ways to change the negatives, and bring about positive changes in your marriage.
You Can Save Your Marriage
If you really love your partner, and you really want things to work, you can make them work. But, you need to put the work into it, even if they are not willing to do the same. It only takes one partner to improve a marriage. You just need to figure out how you can do this. Think about this: no one wants to be in a bad marriage. This means that even if your partner isn’t willing to work on problems, they don’t want the problems, and they will appreciate your efforts to work on them yourself.
Rather than seeking out relationship help from counsellors, you need to start looking within to fix the problems that have started to break down your marriage. You can learn a lot about what you need to do to make the changes that will bring your marriage back to what it once was through the Save the Marriage System. The longer you put things off, the worse things are going to get, and you may never be able to put the pieces of your broken marriage back together again.