How to save my marriage is one of the most commonly asked questions today of people who are finding themselves stuck. You fell in love. You built a life together. You simply cannot imagine what life would be like if that person wasn’t there. Yet, it’s hard. You don’t agree, you fight, and you don’t feel that same level of support and understanding that was once there. It’s no wonder so many men and women approach their counselors, friends, and family with a simple question. “How can I save my marriage?”
How to Save My Relationship: Steps to Take Now
Many times, the couples want to improve their relationship and they want to improve their quality of life. It’s difficult and challenging. Here are some simple steps that may be hard to put into action that can give you the foundation for improvement.
#1: Agree to work on improvement
Both parties need to come to the realization that marriage problems exist and that they want to fix them. The fact is, if one party is facing a struggle with the marriage, it is a problem that both must address. You can’t fix it on your own. But, you can work on it. However, most people can see improvement in their relationship if they first admit the problem and commit to improving it.
#2: Write down what hurts
It is often difficult to have a conversation with your loved one when emotions are so raw and painful. For this reason, it’s best to step away from each other and make a list of what the underlying problems are. Each person makes his or her own list. It may have just a few words on it. It may have many more. However, it should address the underlying problems causing the feelings you have.
#3: Discuss what hurts the most
With your list in hand, sit down across from each other and, in the most open way possible, talk about the worst thing on that list. For example, you may feel your spouse no longer values your opinion. You may feel your spouse doesn’t include you or is no longer able to include you in their day. Whatever is the worst of it, bring that up first. All you need to do is to communicate what that problem is. Allow the other person to do the same. This opens the door for your spouse to understand what is really bothering you. They truly may not know.
#4: Commit to talking
Talking and arguing are two very different things. Spend some time talking about your feelings, thoughts, needs, goals, painful memories, and hopeful futures. One of the most important components to any marriage is communication, something you’ll learn about in “Save The Marriage” Dedicate 10 to 15 minutes every day to talking. You could meet on the porch for coffee in the morning or get the kids to bed 15 minutes early so you have time together.
#5: Recognize the value in marriage counseling
Do you need marriage counseling? Nearly all marriages can benefit from allowing a professional to step in and offer some guidance and support. Don’t view this as a negative thing. Rather, you can step up to the plate and ask a therapist what you can do. “How to fix my marriage after this fight or how to save my relationship and get back to where we were?” No matter where you get that therapy, sometimes having a third party to help direct conversations and offer guidance can be incredibly valuable.
#6: Make some time for each other
Often, we fall off the track of working on our marriages because life is so busy. There is so much you have to do. It’s hard to find time to work on your marriage. Going to a marriage counseling session is one step. You can also find simple ways to make time:
- Carpool to work so that you get time during your commute to talk.
- Meet for lunch or dinner without the kids.
- Spend time learning something new together.
- Block off a section of time every single week for date night.
- Say no to other engagements.
#7: Uncover hidden marriage problems
Sometimes, it’s what you don’t know that’s at the heart of what’s wrong. Are you having trouble managing finances? Are you feeling stressed because of one spouse’s health? Is there a concern related to other members of the family? Find out what’s changed and why in your relationship.
#8: Keep everyone else out
For now, while you work to establish your relationship again, don’t talk about your spouse in a negative light to others. Commit to talking to each other when there’s a problem. For example, instead of complaining about your spouse to your friend, talk to your spouse about the problem first.
#9: Build long-term strength
Look at your marriage as a long-term goal. It is not going to get better in five minutes. It is a process and it will always take a lot of work. You have to promise yourself you are not going to give up because it is too hard.
Are you ready? Saving my marriage is my goal! You can accomplish this when you take the time to learn how. If you are asking, “How can I save my marriage?” the first step is to learn more about our online system and course. “Save The Marriage” is your first step towards improving your relationship.